


Nightmares

by ANormalGeek



Category: Call the Midwife
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-06 19:58:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5428793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ANormalGeek/pseuds/ANormalGeek
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Patsy has a nightmare and old memories and scars makes themselves known. But then Delia is there to comfort her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> I was curious about how Patsy's past would make itself known and how Delia would respond. comments are welcome.

Pain. There was so much pain. She was ten years old and a shard of glass had lodged itself into her foot as they were marching back to camp from a day’s work. She had been so exhausted she hadn’t paid attention to where she placed her feet on the uneven ground but the pain made her hiss. Screams drew attention you did not want and nine-year-old Patience had learned that lesson well enough during her first months in the camp.  
Her mother had quickly scooped her up in her arms and carried her as soon as she realised Patsy was unable to walk. Stopping was also something you did not want to do, unless it were to die or take a beating and the strength of the mind was many times stronger than muscle.  
As Patience cried silently, unable to stop the tears, mud and insects drew into her wound, her mother’s arms tightened and she could hear her sisters voice:  
“Patsy what happened?” The concerned voice drew Patsy’s attention but when she turned to look her sister’s face was bloody and bruised and insects started to swarm around her bony frame. The sight made Patsy cry all the harder and she felt the safe haven of her mother’s arms change as a Japanese soldier took her place and threw Patsy on the ground and aimed a boot at her stomach.  
She managed to roll away and suddenly there were ten soldiers laughing at the scrawny girl trying to get away. Their faces changed to those of monsters and they laughed with toothless grins as they all jumped at her. Suddenly she felt a strong arm around her and she looked up into sister Julienne’s kind face who ushered her to rise out of harms way. At first she followed but then she saw the monster’s turning to her mother and sister instead as their bodies went back to those of cruel soldiers. They swarmed around her mother and sister and started beating them with large sticks and Patsy screamed for them to stop.  
They did not hear her and Sister Julienne’s hand was firm on Patsy’s shoulder, stopping her from running to their aid. It was only when the beaten bodies hardly looked human anymore that they disappeared and were replaced by Delia’s face and as she stood strong and firm a soldier beat her over the face and those bruises appeared.  
It was too much, Patsy’s screams escalated and soon there was no air in her lungs but she kept screaming until soft arms found her and held her tight. 

Patsy woke up and it took her a few seconds to fully understand she was no longer in the camp but in a flat in London. Tears where streaming down her face and her throat felt raw but the soft arms from the dreams where there and a body slightly smaller than hers was hugging her tight and a soft voice shushed her calm.  
“It’s alright Pats. Sweetheart you’re safe.” Delia spoke quietly but firmly as she kissed Patsy’s head and shoulder.  
“They’re dead Delia!” Patsy cried. “I couldn’t save them!” Patsy thought she was going to be sick but couldn’t bare to leave so she just clung to Delia who did the exact right thing; held her and did not let go. Delia hated it when Patsy had these nightmares, not because they were a nuisance but because she thought about all those times Patsy had been woken by them and Delia had not been there to hold her.  
“I am so sorry Pats.” Of course Patsy had told Delia about her family and the horrors of her childhood. And for memories like that there was nothing to say that would make it better for there was no bright side.  
After a few minutes both women were fully awake and Delia decided it was time for a cup of tea. “Come on.” She pulled her girlfriend up and they made their way to the kitchen in slippers and pyjamas. 

“I sometimes feel at such a loss at what to do or even think. They died, all of them.” Delia said nothing, only watched and listened to Patsy who stared at her cup like it would magically keep all the answers. “When I die it will probably be of old age in a warm bed. A whole life behind me. Like mother, father and Georgie should have had but didn’t. And I feel guilty for it.” Patsy looked both angry and sad. “And that is just not useful to anyone!” There Delia recognized her girlfriend who would see the rational in any situation and she couldn’t help but give away a small smile.  
“Sweetheart I’m afraid there is no correct or incorrect in these circumstances.” Delia covered her hand with her own. Before Patsy would have looked around but now she only took her second hand over Delia’s, squeezing it gently but still not looking at her.  
“I even found you, and let’s be honest, what were the odds of that?” She smiled to herself and Delia even saw a slight blush over her cheeks as Patsy glanced at Delia.  
Delia decided to be brave and rose to walk around the table and place herself in Patsy’s lap, hugging her tight. Patsy returned the gesture by folding her arms around Delia’s waist and taking a deep breath into her hair. “I love you.” Patsy wasn’t crying now, only breathing deep.  
“I love you too Patience, so very much.” Delia kissed the top of her head. 

“Did I ever show you this?” Patsy and Delia had gone back to bed but given up on sleep for the night. They were sitting close together, legs tangled together but Patsy drew her foot up and showed her a scar on the sole.  
“I’ve never seen that.” Delia exclaimed with some surprise.  
“It was a shard of glass when I was ten. I nearly died of the fever it gave me but survived because mother gave me her food for a few days.”  
Delia grazed her thump over the messy scar. Patsy had so many. The worst was a long lash over her back that had come from a whip. Delia had shuddered for a long time every time she saw it but now it was just a pale faded part of Patsy and Delia loved everything about her girlfriend. Delia too had scars of course but they were all from clumsiness in her childhood when she had played in the open fields and climbed trees. Well she had one on her hip and one on her shoulder from the accident and still some blanks in her minds that felt like white scars on her memory, but Patsy’s was without comparison.  
Suddenly Delia scrambled out of bed and went on a messy search through some drawers in her her nightstand.  
“What are you doing?” Patsy asked, eyebrows raised. Delia turned around and was triumphantly holding a candle and matches. “Delia..?”  
“I thought about something.” She jumped back to sit next to Patsy on their pushed-together beds. “We should light a candle in memory of your family.”  
“Like they do in church? Delia like I haven’t been made to do that enough.” Patsy couldn’t help but sound a bit tired.  
“That was in a chapel, this will be in your home, next to the woman you love who love you back and it will be just a small gesture to say that we know and remember them.”  
Patsy couldn’t help but smile now. “Well this is hardly a very Christian home.” Any other girl would have blushed at the hint of their illegal living-arrangements but Delia just smiled and lit the candle.  
After a minute she could hear Patsy murmur “I remember you” before turning to Delia. “Well that’s enough sentimentality for one night.” She bit her lip. “But I do think they would have liked it.” She smiled now and Delia put her arm around her. 

It was still completely dark out and the candle lit up their small bedroom with the two embracing women. The women who had fought an internment camps, Catholic nuns, nurses training, leaving home, amnesia and tabooed love. But mostly you wouldn’t know because they were happy in the present. But sometimes pain demands to be felt. Even if you are a very rational nurse the pain of the past can make itself known.


End file.
